30 Things About Buenos Aires

Because it was hard for me to write a coherent post about my stay in Buenos Aires I decided to go with a random list of things that struck me about the city. Bear in mind when reading that I come from a town which is the size of one single real-estate project of said city.

1. Every cabdriver has some religious item or other dangling from his rearview mirror.
2. Trafic is directed not by trafic lights, it is directed by the car horn.
3. Trafic flow will scare the bejeezus out of you.
4. Beer is sold in liter bottles.
5. Beer is mainly sold in shops owned by Chinese people who speak something which slightly resembles Spanish.
6. Men will kiss eachother when they meet — in fact they will kiss you when they meet you. Thankfully, so will women.
7. Cigarettes are insanely cheap.
8. Yet hardly anybody smokes.
9. There’s a bizarre infiltration of German culture. Leverwurst. Warsteiner. Isenbeck.
10. When walking the streets, avoid speaking English, lest you have a desire to get mugged.
11. Blond is the ideal, unless it is accompanied by an orange beard, in which case it is considered hilariously funny.
12. Get used to kids rummaging through garbage bags at 10 in the evening.
13. The botanic garden and the zoo are wonderful places to dwell.
14. Cats and dogs.
15. Turds on the sidewalk.
16. Any profanities uttered must not be of religious nature; they must however include the words “puta”, “madre”, or both.
17. The streets are one-way and adorned with big trees whose foliage provides shelter from the heat.
18. The Apple-store is every inch as expensive as it is here in Belgium. And the people that work there have cushion jobs, too.
19. Ignore the glue-sniffing guy to your left.
20. Wearing T-shirts without prints on them is like wearing a badge that says “I’m foreign, please gaze awkwardly at my composure” (as is sporting an orange beard).
21. The police is not your friend.
22. Football, football, football. La Boca versus Gimnasia.
23. The food is delicious and not expensive at all.
24. Do not bring up the IMF in any conversation.
25. Yerba Mate. You don’t drink it, you’re not part of the tribe.
26. Asado (the famous Argentine barbecue), during which you must eat at least 2 kilo’s of prime roasted Argentine beef or you are not a man. Having veggies on the side is considered “sissy”.
27. There’s an internet cafe every 300 meters, and they all have Keyboards That Suckâ„¢.
28. Never leave the internet cafe complaining about how much the computer you were using sucks: you may have to re-enter the place because 2 Bolivians on speed are trying to get your wallet right in front of the place.
29. About 20 stamps, documents and stickers are required to be allowed into the country.
30. About 70 stamps, documents and stickers are required to be allowed out of the country.